Momfession: Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

Another Day at the Office

I’ll be totally honest, I’m blatantly ripping off the idea for this post.

In my defense though, I did tell my friend Raluca I’d be stealing it. Also if I’m not mistaken she borrowed the idea from another blogger who borrowed it from someone else… so I suppose I’m not too much of a thief for jumping on the blogger bandwagon.  A quick note about Raluca… she’s a pretty amazing publicist/mom/blogger I met in January at Sundance where we were both working too hard. Her blog What Would Gwyneth Do is awesome and I’ll admit that everytime I read it my girl crush for her (Raluca, not Gwyneth) increases two-fold.

The idea for this post came from Raluca’s own confession which you can read here I loved her honesty and by being truthful she’s empowering other women and reminding us all that it’s ok to be who you are. So on the off chance that you worry about this stuff too and want some solidarity… here I go.

Large and In Charge

• I know it’s shallow, but I hate how big I’ve gotten with this pregnancy. Ok, truth be told, I’ve gained the same amount as I did with the other boys but for some reason I really thought I’d be stronger this time around. I really thought I wouldn’t eat ice cream four nights a week and crave Taco Bell… turns out I was wrong. I hope to God losing this will be as “easy” as I’ve told myself it was going to be every time I shoveled more snacks into my gullet.
• I raise my voice too much with my boys. I really really hate it but during this pregnancy I’m so hormonal and I go from calm to Incredible Hulk in .3 seconds. I wish I didn’t get so mad so quickly (I also wish the boys would stop trying to beat each other up, at least until Daddy gets home) and I’m terrified this little baby inside of me is already far too used to the sound of mommy yelling “keep your hands to yourself Sawyer!”
• I don’t do it all. There I said it. Everyone is always asking, “how do you do it?” the truth is, I might do it, but not by myself. I have the amazing Martha my nanny/housekeeper of the last 5 years and I rarely have to do my own laundry and I never clean my shower anymore. So there, I’m fairly spoiled when it comes to housework and I don’t do it all alone.

Jackson's First Dodger Game

• I don’t ever feel like I’m good enough. On the one hand this is probably great because I’m so driven to be better at everything: work, motherhood, cooking, etc. On the other hand, it’s pretty tiring to be so hard on yourself all the time and I should probably see  a therapist about it.
• When I’m busy (which is often) personal hygiene is the first thing to go… for instance, Dave is out of town on business this week. I will undoubtably not shave my legs again until minutes before he comes home. If you’re a total bum, but no one is around to see it but toddlers, you can keep up the facade that you’re totally pulled together.
• I have anxiety attacks. It’s not so bad that I need medication… unless you call my “mommy juice” (aka white wine) medication. But as I’ve gotten older I do have some pretty crippling anxiety. In the moment I know that what I’m freaking out about isn’t actually real, but I can’t seem to stop worrying about it regardless.
• For such an independent woman, I let my husband handle a lot of our financial stuff. I know Suze Orman would be horrified but I don’t keep up with our bank accounts or our stocks. I don’t pay our bills and if I needed to get into our safe without Dave to help me I’d be totally screwed. It’s embarrassing, I know, but I can’t even imagine adding one more item onto my list of responsibilities.
• I’m a drinker. Ok, not right now, obviously, but in normal non-pregnant life I like a nightly cocktail. I think it calms me down and keeps me from turning into the Hulk (see above). Easily not the best habit, but I pick and choose my battles and as far as I’m concerned Kendall Jackson and Johnny Walker are both strong allies.

Perhaps now you’ll judge me… perhaps you’ve already called the prayer tree and are working up some type of intervention but for better or worse, these are the down and dirty secrets I’m afraid to tell you. I hope that my honesty encourages you to be the same or at the very least, to realize you’re not as screwed up as I am so you must be doing something right. Have a great week readers!